THE 9PM RULE
Aelisa DieckmannShare
Why I Don't Trust My Late-Night Thoughts: The 9PM Rule
You know that moment when the kids are finally asleep, the house is quiet, and all you want is silence but your mind just won't turn off?
Maybe you're replaying that awkward conversation at school pickup, worrying about your child's friendship drama, or questioning every parenting decision you've made this week.
For years, I let these late-night thoughts consume me - until I created my "9PM Rule."
Here's what I decided on: I don't trust any thoughts that come after 9PM. Not a single one. It sounds simple, maybe even a bit silly, but this boundary has been revolutionary for creating late night peace for myself as a mom.
Think about it when do we typically spiral into our deepest worries and self-doubt? It's rarely at 10AM when we're fresh and full of coffee. It's almost always during the evening hours, when we are wore out from a long day of parenting, working, and keeping tiny humans alive. Too many nights of noticing this, I decided something has to give.
Our emotional regulation and logical thinking abilities naturally decline as we begin to burn the midnight oil. We're more susceptible to catastrophizing minor injustices and that can lead to feeling more anxiety or harming relationships. Combine this with the physical and mental exhaustion of a full day, and you have the perfect conditions for irrational thoughts and fears to flourish.
So I implemented the rule: after 9PM, all significant thoughts go into tomorrow's basket. That nagging worry? I'll write it down and revisit it after my morning coffee. That brilliant idea for a life-changing project? If it's genuinely brilliant, it'll still be brilliant at 10AM tomorrow. My inner dialogue is much wiser and kinder after 9am then after 9pm.
The reality is that very few things truly need to be processed, decided, or acted upon after 9PM. Most issues benefit from the clarity that comes with rest and distance. Your late-night thoughts will still be there in the morning. But so will your strength, judgment, and perspective.
It's acknowledging that our minds, like our bodies, need time to rest and recover. And sometimes the wisest thing we can do isn't to solve every problem immediately - it's to know when to pause and wait for a stronger moment to face our challenges. After all, if a thought is truly important, it deserves your best and wisest self.